*stream of consciousness post of a conversation I don't want to forget*
I just had the sweetest conversation with Matthew (6). We always have our deepest conversations right as I'm shutting the door for him to go to bed. Tonight it started when he was telling me goodnight. He likes to change it up from time to time, so instead of just "I love you" he likes to say different things. Granted, sometimes it's "I love you rascal boogerhead," but other times it's more sweet like it was tonight. He said, "I love you more than anyone else in the world loves you... even more than DADDY does." I said, "I'm not sure about that - Daddy loves me so much he CHOSE me, you're just kind of stuck with me." He went on to say that he was glad he got the mom he got because I'm "the coolest mom in the world." (I had to include that part because 4 years from now when he's a grumpy tween I'll want to remember that he used to think that way about me ).
Several minutes went by (we do a family prayer time and say goodnight in his sisters' room and then kind of "disperse" from there). He went and climbed into his own bed and I tucked his sisters in and then came in and got his music going and got Andrew into bed. As I was shutting the boys' door, Matthew stopped me and said, "Daddy chose you from or to do... what?" I said, "Daddy chose me to be with him forever - his partner in life." He pondered that for a minute. I told him that one day he would get to choose a girl to be HIS partner for life. He said, "Like, a girl to be the mommy while I'm the daddy?" I said, "That's exactly right, buddy. She'd be called your wife."
"Yeah, I know that. So will lots and lots of wives come on that day and I just pick one?"
"Well, that's not exactly how it works, but as you grow up you'll get to know lots of girls and whenever you're ready to choose one, you will."
"Well, will my sisters be there that day?"
"No, it can't be your sisters. It has to be someone outside of this family. But, buddy, no matter who you choose, your sisters are your sisters forever. No one can change that. No matter what choices they make and no matter what choices you make, they will always be your sisters. But you can't choose one of them to be your wife."
At this point he started choking back tears.
"But I really want it to be one of my sisters. I want them to always be a part of my family."
At this point I started choking back tears.
I went on to explain using the example of my sister and how "Uncle Jordan chose her but she's still a big part of this family, and look what happened when Uncle Jordan chose her - Isaac and Ethan and Natalie (three of his favorite people on earth, his cousins) happened. See, when your sisters have kids, thats how your kids will get cousins."
He thought about that for a while. He still couldn't get over the part that his sisters couldn't be a part of "this family" - I think he was thinking about how rarely he sees some of his aunts and uncles and he was just sad that someday he won't be with his best friends every day the way he is now. Seeing how upset he was (and knowing that he will definitely feel differently about his sisters a few years from now), I said, "You know what, buddy, you can choose your sisters for now. Both of your sisters can be your choice for right now." (I didn't want him to have to choose between them. But he had other plans.)
"But I just want it to be ONE of my sisters because I still want my kids to have cousins!"
Then he got all choked up again thinking about even just one of them "leaving this family." So I told him they wouldn't leave the family, but the guys that chose them would be JOINING the family. He said, "so they'll all be Rutherfords?" (I should probably mention we were more than an hour late to bed to begin with because of basketball games so at this point I decided to just let it go.) "Yep, we'll all be one REALLY big family."
He grinned from ear to ear and said, "Okay, so then.... WHEW.... goodnight!" I wish I could convey through type the relief and abruptness of that line, it was hilarious.
I sure do love that kid. I know his relationship with his sisters will change (gracious, it changes constantly around here, one minute he's hugging them, the next minute he's hollering at them), but I hope he's always as protective of and loving toward them as he is as a precious 6-year-old.